Recently during a class for couples the Lord gave me an illustration that I feel led to share. The different couples had expressed an interest in marriage, but they are in different stages on the journey from “dating to mating”. In answering their questions about what a successful, healthy relationship looks like, the Lord gave me the analogy of a skeleton…or bones.
We understand that every human being has a basic skeleton, and within and upon that skeleton lies the substance that gives each of us a unique appearance. We may look different, but when everything else is stripped away, we all share the same skeleton or bones.
Our genetics, age, lifestyle (including our diet and activity levels), and exposures determine what we look like. Because all those factors are so varied, we all have an individual appearance. Even “identical” twins can be distinguished by those who know them well, due to personality traits, and other idiosyncrasies.
It is not wise to compare ourselves and we encouraged the couples to follow that advice. We do not know what all anyone went through to appear as they do now. We all share basic fundamental, foundational things. But our lives determine our current situation, and we are expressly different from one another.
In every relationship, communication is critical. But each couple must develop their own unique style and method of doing that. Any book, theory, process, or method is simply bones…the skeleton on which we must hang our own flesh and blood to create each unique relationship. The choices we make generate opportunities for growth…or not.
“Body shaping” is a huge industry these days as people commit to rigorous programs designed to change how they look. But the bones remain the same, they do not change. The tenets of Christianity are constant, but how it looks in your life should be unique to you based on the totality of your life. Prayer is a constant, but how and when, where and how long, are the things that separate one prayer life from another.
Professional athletes are mindful of everything they ingest into their bodies. They must be aware of nutrients and banned substances. They maintain strict guidelines as far as calories and fat content. If you want to look like them, you can probably cheat through plastic surgery or a crash diet…but if you want their level of performance, their strength, endurance, and flexibility…you have to put in the time and effort over a similar period of time. I will never be a seven footer, my genes won’t allow it, but I can still have great character. Be larger than life in my giving and forgiving. My skeleton can handle that.
Good relationships don’t just happen. On any level. They all begin with the same bones. How you build upon that skeleton will determine the shape, health, strength, and appearance of the body. So eat right, exercise often, get plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and protect yourself from extreme conditions. Commitment and discipline, the bare bones of an enduring relationship. No shortcuts, just choices. Choose well.
Everyday God... 